


Homestuck: Game Breakers

by PerplexingAstronomina



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-10-19
Updated: 2012-08-12
Packaged: 2017-10-24 19:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerplexingAstronomina/pseuds/PerplexingAstronomina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Kids Session was beginning to draw to a close, and the Kids had come to the end of their game, to start The Scratch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. PROLOGUE: A Glitch in the System

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS ABOUND!
> 
> If you have not read Homestuck yet, it's recommended you do that before you read this!
> 
> If you don't care though, read on.

# Prologue: A Glitch In The System

# 

There once was a universe...a magnificent realm full of enchanting characters, funny jokes, and surprising amounts of symbolism created all by one man called Andrew Hussie. He had just finished his work on another, very distant universe where a hard boiled detective fought against the evils of Lovecraftian horrors, an extremely powerful mob boss (Who also served as a impossibly hard final boss), and Weird Puzzle Shit.

He had decided to create a world unlike any other. It would have a game that would potentially destroy worlds, but reward the players greatly should they succeed. He planned everything out, but hadn't given it a name until a bit later when he got started on it one month after Problem Sleuth's success against Mobster Kingpin.

He would call this world by the name of...Homestuck.

There were four kids who would play this game. And before them, twelve trolls had completed their own session, beating the twelve times prototyped Black King and created the new universe that contained our home planet.

These four kids would learn and adapt to this game as fast as they could.

But not without nearly ruining things completely.

You see, an arch-agent by the name of Jack Noir managed to royally screw things up. Normally when the game is played, Jack is meant to help the players defeat the Black Queen, usually either by exile or defeating her in a fight. A series of events ended with Jack obtaining a powerful bunny and killing the Black Queen with it and Jack getting her ring, which, with each prototyping, would in turn give the bearer the powers and appearance of the prototyping. Now that Jack had the ring, the balance of the game was stacked in his favor.

Well, sort of. He was still manageable, if a bitch, to defeat. The Kids might of known this, but this safety of knowing this would not last for long.

Jack finally had found the Beat Mesa, where Bro Strider was at. He was going to initiate The Scratch, which would be something of a hard reset for the game. Jack prevented this, thus beginning a long bout of Strife, which Davesprite (Dave's twice prototyped sprite) and Lil' Cal (Bro's creepy puppet), joined in on, making Jack's fight a three on one, and thus, making it a hell of a lot harder on him, a nice turn of events.

Unfortunately, the strife would end in complete disaster. Jade's reality warping dog and First Guardian of Earth, Becquerel, had prototyped itself with Jade's sprite, after John was put to sleep by Vriska Serket, one of the twelve trolls. The prototyping's effects were immediate, as Jack Noir gained the powers of Bec, effortlessly slaying Bro, nearly murdering Davesprite (if not for quick thinking, he would have died completely), and taking Lil' Cal with him (why he didn't destroy the puppet is anyone's guess).

The Trolls weren't exactly safe either. Bec murdered every Dream Self they had left, and destroyed their planets, and their version of Derse and Prospit. As a result, things went to hell pretty fast for the trolls, with Gamzee going crazy due to lack of sopor slime and Eridan losing hope.

Now, the Kids are desperately trying to find a way to kill Jack. They have only succeeded in inflicting minor wounds, but due to Dave tinkering around with space and time glitches, Jack has been rendered damageable. But would they be able to finish it all off? Would they be able to begin The Scratch?

Well, they weren't able to yet. They all had their own jobs to do. John had one of the most important. He was waiting for the signal to start The Scratch.

John had only one weapon that could scratch the Beat Mesa: the Quills of Echidna. He's stab them into the Beat Mesa at the right time and begin The Scratch, hopefully erasing Jack, but unfortunately also restarting everyone's lives all over from scratch.

Rose had her own job to do as well. She had started a FAQ a little while back, but when she learned that apparently their fate can't be repaired, she stopped, leaving a foreboding message in her wake. Seeing as they could do something about Jack, she decided to continue it for future players to follow, seeing as even if they did fail, there would be newer players to take up the mantle, so she made with the typing. She had gotten pretty far into it, that's for sure, getting into the last leg of the game, with the Denizens, God Tier Ascension, and of course, the final battle with the Black King himself. She also did put a warning for players to NOT give Jack Noir anything that would result in his rise to power, which meant any powerful weapons he could get his obsidian colored hands on, such as the Con-Air Bunny which lead to the regicide of both the Black King and Queen. She also made mention for the prototypings to BE CAREFUL WITH THEM, as it could result in the enemies and the resulting final boss to become far too powerful.

Dave had the skill, weapons, and power, so he was burdened with keeping the Derserite Army at bay. He was doing a bang up job of that, as well as training to become as good as his bro.

Jade had the most crucial job assigned to her (since she was already doing it): breeding the frogs needed for the creation of the new universe. Both regular frogs and Genesis Frogs were required, the regular frogs for physical construction of the world, and the Genesis Frogs for the Sburb session to work properly.

Rose decided to open a memo really quick and see how progress was coming along.

CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW opened public transit timeline bulletin board Progress For Victory Against Jack Noir

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CTT RIGHT NOW opened memo on board Progress For Victory Against Jack Noir

CTT: Greetings, everyone.  
CTT: I take it that progress on all of your jobs has been satisfactory?  
CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo  
CEB: hey rose!  
CEB: progress has indeed been satisfactory.  
CEB: but it's kind of boring to sit around here and simply wait for a signal...  
CTT: I understand that this can be a bit arduous for you, John. But you need to understand that this is for the greater good.  
CTT: Either we take out Jack, or he takes out us. It's that simple.  
CTT: As you are all aware, Jack has been rendered vulnerable to plenty manners of attack, which means you will need to pour all of your power into fighting him.  
CTT: I suppose we have Dave to praise for this development.  
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo  
CTG: hell yeah  
CTG: you know it  
CTG: i am the man  
CTT: Dave, this is not the time to inflate your already impossibly large ego.  
CTT: We have a omnipotent problem on our hands.  
CTT: But yes, thank you for at least rendering Jack a victim to our weapons of mass destruction.  
CTT: Hopefully, we'll crush him underneath our advances.  
CTT: Nonetheless, we're here to talk about the progress being made so far.  
CTT: I am just about to wrap up the FAQ I have created. The trolls have given me insight on their Black King so that I can attempt to give my two boondollars on a stringent plan to beat him in a session that's not totally fucked up.  
CTT: Any luck on keeping the army remnants at bay, Dave?  
CTG: them black carapaces have retreated for now  
CTG: they should figure out that i am not to be jacked around with  
CTG: though i do need to say that i am getting busted up  
CTG: as long as i keep pulling off some incredibly delirious biznasty  
CTG: ill still be dropping some sick beats and killing them something fierce  
CTT: So, I take it that means that you are pretentiously fighting them while you're getting injured ad nauseum?  
CTT: As vague as you tend to put it?  
CTG: pretty much  
CTG: speaking of progress has anyone seen jade  
CTG: if shes here why is she not answering  
CTT: That answer is obvious. Jade needs as much time as she needs to get the frogs in.  
CTT: If she does not get every frog in, the results could be potentially catastrophic.  
CTT: But, I digress. An update would lower worriment.  
CURRENT gardenGnostic [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo  
CGG: hi everyone!!!  
CTT: Speak of the horroterrors.  
CEB: hey jade!  
CEB: how goes the progress with the frogs? did you get all of them yet?  
CGG: nope! not yet...but i almost have every regular frog in!!  
CGG: after them, the genesis frogs are next!  
CEB: way to go, jade!!!  
CTT: Let's not get our hopes too high just yet.  
CTT: How many of the regular frogs do you estimate that you have successfully placed in the reactor?  
CGG: well...i would say about ninety percent of them are in there right now  
CGG: we will have the genesis frogs in there in no time!!!  
CTT: It's recommended that you pick up the pace, Jade.  
CTT: Jack could attack at any moment.  
CGG: oh don't worry  
CGG: jack never seems to attack me  
CGG: maybe it's because of bec?????  
CTT: Perhaps.  
CTT: Well, luck of the draw. We don't have to protect her from the inevitable Jack attack.  
CTT: Rhyming be damned.  
CEB: ha ha ha! oh man rose... that was pretty funny.  
CTT: Maybe to your rather shallow perception of what's humorous, but then again, I suppose it does alleviate some stress, however little it does.  
CTG: oh shit  
CTG: the cavalry has arrived  
CTG: where doing it man  
CTG: where making this hapen  
CTT: Let me guess. Backup soldiers have arrived and are ready to give you an utter pasting?  
CTG: yes but i am not going to let these fuckers touch me  
CTG: shits gonna get real  
CTG: i gotta jet  
CTG: see ya after the blood storm  
CTG ceased responding to memo  
CTT: Well, I suppose that's the cue to end this right here and continue our duties.  
CEB: aw...do we have to?  
CTT: Unless you want our efforts to end in vain, yes John. You must keep waiting for us to send the signal.  
CTT: It is imperative that you use my strife specibi to scratch the Beat Mesa.  
CEB: i will! you can count on me!  
CTT: Good. As for Jade, she will need to continue getting the frogs in.  
CGG: i most certainly will!  
CTT: I'm sure you will, Jade.  
CTT: With this, I declare this memo closed.  
CTT closed memo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With this reassurance, the kids were hoping that they'd have things all sorted out.

Hours passed. Carapaces fell dead. Frogs were breeded and placed. John waited...and Rose was just moments away from finishing the FAQ.

But, little did they know of the terror that lay in the road ahead.

Jack was overseeing all of this. The kids were unaware, but on guard.

Look at the little bastards, preparing for the inevitable. Graveyard stuffers...all of them.

Strider's time powers be damned... I am no longer protected by the powers of the First Guardian completely. Rose got her wish: the Green Sun has partially been damaged by his powers. The only thing giving me hope is if she doesn't completely destroy it.

But, as long as I'm in the neighborhood...

Jack flew off towards Rose's current location. Since Rose was putting up some imperative information for future sessions, he decided to attack her first.

Rose was currently bunkered in the remains of the castle she and Jack destroyed. Despite the fact that she had destroyed her first gate, she made damn sure that she continued forward in the game, defeating her Denizen and everything.

She was just about to write out her last few paragraphs, when Jack landed off to her right.

Hello, Rose. Fancy seeing you here.

Rose turned and saw the part-arcane-shades-wearing threat.

Ah. You've arrived early.   
Remember your plan to destroy the Green Sun? Looks like it's beginning to take a major effect on me.   
I've noticed. You're beginning to feel the brunt of damage, Jack. We're not about to give in to your petulant demands.  
After all, we need to finish the game somehow.  
And if it means destroying the one component that makes you almost impossible to truly destroy, then we shall do so.  
Even if we have done so little to it, the Green Sun will eventually be burnt out in one way or another.  
My plan for running Derse's moon into it may have failed thanks to your and Dave's interference, but I will be damned if I breathe my last without seeing the lights leave your blank white eyes.   
You won't, you contemptuous she-witch.  
Not as long as I continue to walk Skaia.

A fight broke out. Rose and Jack pulled out all of the stops. Rose utilized her Thorns of Oglogoth and blew a couple of holes in Jack, while Jack returned in kind by attacking her with his Regisword.

After eight minutes of straight fighting, Rose emerged victorious. Despite the fact that she almost died, she managed to hold Jack off, but just barely.

Son of a bitch... I'm not as effective as I used to be...   
It's only natural, I suppose.  
After all, we are not giving up this easily.  
So, unless you want to become magically crafted swiss cheese, I suggest you abscond and screw off.   
Fine...  
Maybe I will get more entertainment out of your other friends.

Jack was allowed to run off, with a couple of new holes in his body.

He then shot off to where Dave was preventing the entire Derserite Army from entering the portals leading to each area that lead to the various areas where the kids were. As noted before, he really was doing a great job. He was owning regular solders. He was felling Gliclopses in one blow.

Then Jack came in, and felled many soldiers in one blow. But he was not exactly there to help Dave, of course.

You son of a bitch. You have rendered my powers null and void!!!   
oh shit its you  
but yeah bitchcakes  
i am your new king   
Bullshit. You have no power over ME, Strider.  
I will crush you beneath my stride.  
But before that...

The tyrannical monster resurrected the dead soldiers and turned them against the young badass.

It was a long fight, and Dave kept fighting hard. But even he was reaching his limits, and eventually, Jack and the Army had the upper hand.

Rose was nearly finished, a couple of sentences away from closing the FAQ out, but then, it happened.

Her Seer powers began to activate for the first time. It took a second because she didn't fully understand it, but she saw that Dave was definitely in trouble.

She knew that he would not make it without help, despite his combat ability. So she needed to do something...

She needed to call upon the assistance of the sprites.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I want to make it clear that all but two of the sprite colors are not on here not because of laziness. It's because the skin doesn't support all of the sprite colors, unfortunately. If the skin is ever updated, please for the love of god, make it support a lot of other colors. It's going to be hard trying to write thing, honestly. So, until when and if this ever happens, characters that aren't supported by the skin, canon or otherwise, will have the same color text as Jack and other things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CURRENT tentacleTherapist opened public transit timeline bulletin board Dave In Danger!!!

CTT opened memo on Dave in Danger!!!

CTT: Hello, all sprites!  
CTT: It is imperative that you answer immediately!!!   
CURRENT nannaSprite responded to memo  
CNS: Hoo hoo hoo, dearie! What's wrong? Why all the urgency?   
CTT: Oh, thank god...it's you, Nanna.  
CTT: Listen, I need you to get the other sprites immeidately.  
CTT: Dave is in mortal peril.   
CURRENT jaspersSprite responded to memo  
CJS: Meow  
CJS: Hello rose!   
CTT: Jaspers! You're here too?  
CJS: Yeah  
CJS: I heard your plea for help and came to listen to what you had to say!  
CURRENT daveSprite responded to memo  
CDS: guess who  
CDS: i caught the call too  
CDS: looks like your seer powers are finally kicking in  
CDS: im honestly shocked  
CDS: given your freak out earlier  
CTT: Yes...I apologize for my Grimdark episode.  
CTT: It didn't exactly end well.  
CTT: Hopefully, we can coax Jadepsrite into it too...  
CURRENT jadeSprite responded to memo  
CJS: woof  
CJS: did somebody call for me?  
CJS: because i saw it too!!!  
CJS: dave is in danger!!!  
CTT: Yes, Jadesprite, I think we're quite alerted to this at this point.  
CTT: I was the one who called the utmost urgency to the problem.  
CJS: but...i'm sort of worried...  
CJS: jack is who we have to fight with...  
CJS: ...but i should not have to be scared of him my entire life!!!!  
CJS: i need to stand up to him and show him that i truly can fight back!!!!  
CTT: Good to hear.  
CTT: Guess those combat lessons and therapy sessions weren't in vain after all.  
CTT: As you are all aware, Dave has engaged in combat with Jack Noir.  
CTT: The reason I say that this is an emergency is that Dave is trying to hold off both him and the entire Derserite Army.  
CTT: This means that things could end very badly for him, and could very well result in his death.  
CNS: Well, dearie, I can understand your urgency to save him...  
CNS: But if it means that you and your friends will succeed, I will be more than happy to gladly assist in your quest to rescue Dave from the afterlife!  
CJS: Meow  
CJS: Me too  
CDS: count me in as well  
CJS: boo hoo hoo...  
CTT: ...Jadepsprite, are you seriously going to start this tearful droll again?  
CTT: I think Jade's already given you enough of a brutal face drubbing.  
CJS: ...just kidding!!! XD  
CJS: i'm all for serving some cold hard revenge to jack...  
CJS: for what he did to prospit!!!!  
CTT: That's what I want to hear from you!  
CTT: With your First Guardian powers, I'm sure that Jack will fall fast.  
CTT: Unless, of course, the 's damage affects all First Guardians simultaneously...  
CTT: Nonetheless, my brother is out there right now, fighting a war he may lose if we do not mobilize.  
CTT: He has tried as hard as he can, fighting for his brother's honor against Jack.  
CTT: And he has done admirably against him.  
CTT: But even Dave has his limits. And he has reached them against two sides fighting against a common target.  
CTT: One of these days, I always thought that he would eventually bite off more than he could chew.  
CTT: Looks like that day has come.  
CTT: We need to hurry and prevent him from his deliverance to death's door.  
CTT: Is everyone ready to wreak some havoc?  
CNS: Indeed, dearie!  
CNS: HOO HOO HOO!  
CJS: Yes rose!  
CDS: consider it done  
CJS: affirmative!!!  
CJS: woof!  
CTT: Great. I will join you guys as soon as I get finished with the FAQ.  
CTT: Let's get dangerous.

CTT closed memo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dave had been knocked backwards, and Jack was about to bring the Regisword down for the killing blow.

Any last words, Strider?   
yeah  
fuck  
you  
asshole   
Your usual retorts won't save you this time.  
Game over, Strider.

Jack rose the sword over his head and stabbed down.

Seconds passed, and Dave never felt the obsidian blade make any contact through his stomach, chest, or otherwise.

He opened his eyes. He saw a familiar orange shape in front of him, keeping the sword from striking him.

caw caw motherfucker

The sprites backed by Rose were there.

Miss me, Jack?  
Welcome to the party, motherfucker.

Another fight broke out. The sprites blasted Jack, and Rose blasted Jack harder. The whole fight ended when Dave began to fight back, and stabbed through Jack with the Caledscratch. Jack had to back off once more, and recuperate. Ironic, is it not?

Jack was nearing death, but he was hardy. He flew off to find one of the other kids.

At first, he was considering going after Jade, but then he remembered that thanks to the prototyping of her dog, he could not attack her without having to suffer the thoughts of her love, care, dog treats, and mailmen.

Well, shit. He'd just simply have to skip her.

That only left one more kid to fatally attempt to kill.

That was the Heir of Breath himself, John Egbert.

He flew to find the Beat Mesa. Luck was in his grasp, as he found it within five minutes of taking off. John was waiting on the signal still.

That's when John caught sight of Jack...

uh oh...  
hello, jack...   
Hello there, Egbert.  
Long time no see.   
you're rather early...  
sorry, but i better prepare!!!

John tried to pull his Warhammer of Zillyhoo out of his sylladex, but had to shift through his stuff to get at it, by grabbing the objects he placed for this specific reason.

However, in his fumbling to get his Warhammer out, his Quills of Echidna got in the way and were shot out towards Jack.

As quickly as they came out, Jack deflected the two bullet force needles off of his Regisword...right into the Beat Mesa.

Bright, glowing yellow cracks formed in the Beat Mesa.

 **Shit.**

Jack looked shocked. He didn't intend on this to happening, and his blood loss prevented him from reacting quickly enough to pull the needles.

oh crap!!!!  
this is not good!!!   
No shit, Sherlock.  
The Scratch is nigh.  
Time's too short for all of us now.  
If I don't kill you first, at least I have the cold comfort of knowing that you, too, will also be scratched.  
Prepare to die, Egbert!

Jack struck first, trying to stab John well before he could react. John had caught on to the cheap shot by this point after dying several times to Jack by the same thing. This time, John was NOT going down without a fight.

Jade was still getting the last of the regular frogs in. However, she was alerted to a change on the monitor floating behind her.

It switched to a blank white screen with a timer in blue.

Four minutes and thirteen seconds to go before The Scratch. Jade was not pleased with this outcome.

oh nooooooooooooo.......

This meant that she'd need to get every one of the Genesis Frogs in before The Scratch began.

She picked up the pace, picking up and putting the frogs in their places with reckless abandon. But what was the point of being careful when you were on a time limit? That was activated by complete accident?

Dave and Rose had just gotten finished with the Army's remnants. They too, saw The Scratch's timer running down.

Oh fuck.   
okay  
what the hell did he do wrong this time   
I'm not so sure myself...  
But whatever John just did...The Scratch is now upon us.  
And Jade doesn't have all the frogs in yet.   
well shit  
now what   
There's not much we can do at this point to prevent The Scratch now.  
All we really can do is just hope that Jade is successful in her folly to get the frogs situated before The Scratch strikes.  
If she doesn't, I'm not exactly sure what might happen.  
As we have learned, the worst it will do is just simply restart everything we remember.  
But...what will happen if she doesn't get all of those frogs in...?   
hell if i know rose  
if she does make it  
more power to her  
im just glad to be alive to see this come around  
but if she doesnt  
shits going to get real  
real bad

The four minutes pass like a blur. John and Jack fight to the death. Rose finishes her FAQ. Dave takes out some more Derse stragglers. And Jade was running quickly to get the frogs in.

Jack was bleeding profusely. He had taken some serious blows from John's Warhammer of Zillyhoo. Yet, he was still standing. John was also battle damaged, but not nearly to Jack's extent.

Thirteen seconds remained.

Agh...goddamn it...  
You little bastard.

Eight seconds. Jack began to run towards John.

I'LL KILL YOU!  
I WILL NEVER DIE!!!

Five seconds. Jack was closing the distance between him and John. John merely stood his ground, awaiting the inevitable stab.

Then...it hit. 0:00

Jack didn't try to stab this time. He swung the sword at John's neck, hoping to decapitate him in one swing.

The sword...never connected.

Well, it did. But Jack's blade passed clean through John's neck. John was completely unharmed.

Even John was surprised. He didn't know what to say.

Jack didn't know what was happening. But he had only little time to react, as he began to disintegrate before John's eyes.

Jack screamed at the top of his lungs. His body felt like it was on fire as it fell apart piece by piece, little by little. He dropped his sword, which oddly enough, became corporeal again. The rest of his body wasn't reforming like the sword did.

Then Bro's shades came falling to the ground, completely untouched. The remains of his harlequin outfit fell last, and the prototyping ring right after it. The ring shattered upon contact with the ground, the prototypings going with the tyrant.

John could only sit and watch in horror as he watched Jack's writhing, decaying body, beginning to become nothing more than thin air. His screams were burned into his mind. The Beat Mesa was badly damaged by this point. It was severely scratched up.

Rose and Dave heard Jack's screams from miles away. The sky was becoming incomprehensible mixes of white, yellow, and green.

The Scratch was taking the session by force.

Jade was freaking out. Not because of The Scratch, but because she has not gotten the requisite number of Genesis Frogs in before The Scratch. She had only gotten almost one quarter of them, which was, quite simply, not enough.

John contemplated on the situation, as he watched the last of Jack's body completely collapse. It had stopped moving seconds before.

geez...would this have happened to me if i were fatally wounded at the start of the scratch?  
...i'd rather not think on it...

Everything went white as John thought his last thoughts.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours passed, as the entire session seemed to go through a phase of nothing but static and glitched visuals.

Eventually, it all finally stopped.

Rose was the first to wake up. She felt like she had slept a marathon. In fact, this was the best sleep she had since the start of Sburb.

She woke up, and was immediately met with sunlight.

Grumbling to herself about why she was outside instead of in her house, she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, and regained her vision about a minute later.

Instead of seeing her room like she was used to, she found herself still on Skaia. Or rather, on a hill on Skaia.

Many of the Derserite soldiers were still dead. Everything was still as it was when The Scratch had hit.

Then, she looked at her clothing. She was still in her black Squiddles dress as before. She still had recollection of the events that happened beforehand.

Actually, she had PERFECT recollection of everything that had just happened, even things that felt like a distant memory. She even still had all of her weapons and objects she had collected, even some of the useless junk, like the MAGNETIC WODKA (which she still has yet to find a use for).

Then, just to be sure that she was looking at this correctly, she turned around and looked down.

Her other three friends were right there, all positioned perfectly pointed towards each other headfirst. They all had their clothing pre-Scratch. Dave was still wearing his long-sleeved record shirt, Jade was still wearing her Three In The Morning Dress, and John was still dolled up in his God Tier regalia. She presumed that if they were still dressed like this, then they also had all of their memories and weapons (in John's case, his powers) intact as well.

Guys.  
Guys! Wake up!  
We have a problem!

It took a couple of tries, but Rose was able to get everyone to wake up and stop being comatose for a minute.

huh...?  
oh, hey rose!  
wait...why are you here...?  
why are you still wearing that dress?   
wait what  
whats going on here  
why am i still in my long sleeve shirt  
and how come i still have my cool gear   
yeah what dave said!!!  
what in the world is going on here???

They all had questions, and none of the answers.

I...don't exactly know what has transpired myself.  
First off, we need to figure out the number one thing...  
John, how come you began The Scratch before we sent the signal?

John looked a little worried. He had only really seen Rose in person a couple of times before, but he never really actually MET her face to face (well, he did, but that was during her Grimdark mode). Predictably, as her typing style indicated, she was rather smart and sometimes sarcastic, but this time, she looked a little bit flustered. He had to think of a good response.

 

well...uh...  
you see, i had been waiting for your call...  
but then jack attacked me!  
and then, he pulled out his sword, so i decided to bring out my own weapon, but had to shift through all of my objects...and then your ultimate needles flew out.  
jack deflected them off of his sword, and they sort of got stuck in the beat mesa...which started the scratch early.

John was ashamed. What had he done?

Jesus, John.  
The one thing you were assigned to do, and you managed to louse it up by total mistake through a impulse reaction when Jack arrived to be a pain in your side.  
You need to keep better track of your sylladex more often, John.   
hey!  
i said i was sorry about that! geez!  
i needed to protect myself, and i had a brain lapse and forgot those things were even put after my warhammer!  
but i don't know what the scratch did at all...  
if it was supposed to reset everything, then why did it not?

As if on cue, Jade was getting a message from one of the only five surviving trolls back in The Veil.

looks like karkat is ringing in again...  
i better talk to him...

It didn't take long, but Karkat and Jade had struck up a rather important conversation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

CG: OKAY, I HAVE LOST ALL HOPE FOR YOU UNIMAGINALBLE NOOKSUCKERS.  
CG: I MEAN  
CG: WHAT IN THE LOVE OF FUCK DID YOU GUYS DO THIS TIME?!   
GG: hey don't blame it on me!!!  
GG: i did not start the scratch, karkat!!!  
GG: john did in his preparations to fight jack!!!   
CG: THAT'S NOT SURPRISING.  
CG: GIVEN HIS TRACK RECORD FOR FUCKING THINGS UP BEYOND BELIEF, I'M STILL AWAITING THE DAY HE LOBOTOMIZES HIMSELF WITH A MINIATURE CULLING FORK.  
CG: BUT HE'S REALLY FUCKED UP THIS TIME.   
GG: how so??   
CG: WHY DO YOU THINK I'M TALKING TO YOU RIGHT NOW HARLEY?  
CG: THAT WAS NOT YOUR REGULAR SCRATCH.  
CG: THE SCRATCH SHOULD HAVE WIPED OUT YOUR SESSION AND STARTED IT OVER EN-FUCKING-TIRELY.  
CG: BUT THANKS TO EGBERT'S MISFIRE, IT DIDN'T REACH ITS FULLEST POTENTIAL.  
CG: AS A RESULT, SEVERAL THINGS ARE REALLY OUT OF PLACE AND ORDER.   
GG: like what??   
CG: WELL, FOR ONE...  
CG: YOUR GODDAMN THINK PANS NEVER WERE WIPED CLEAN.  
CG: GRANTED, WE STILL RETAIN SOME MEMORIES OF OUR OWN SESSION, BUT THAT WAS BECAUSE MEGIDO SAVED OUR SORRY ASSES FROM JACK NOIR.  
CG: PLUS, NO CLOTHING OR WEAPONS WERE REMOVED FOR WHATEVER REASON.  
CG: EVEN THAT ALCHEMEITER CRAP OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT.  
CG: SECONDLY, NOW OUR DREAM SELVES ARE BACK TO LIFE AS WELL.  
CG: I'M GOING TO ASSUME THAT YOURS ARE BACK AS WELL MINUS EGBERT BECAUSE HE'S ASCENDED TO THE FUCKING GOD TIERS.   
GG: really?! :O   
CG: I'M FOR REAL, HARLEY.  
CG: THE DREAM SELVES ARE SOMEHOW BACK TO LIFE.  
CG AT LEAST THIS MEANS THAT I CAN FINALLY GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP AROUND HERE...WITHOUT THE WORRY OF THOSE GODDAMNED NIGHTMARES.   
GG: i know the feeling... :(  
GG: i'm just glad that i can dream again!!!  
GG: and for the first time in a while, i feel relaxed! :D   
CG: THAT'S ALL FINE AND DANDY, BUT THAT'S NOT THE END OF MY REPORT JUST YET.  
CG: APPARENTLY, EVERYONE ON THIS NOOKSUCKING ROCK IS ALIVE AGAIN.  
CG: EVEN THE ONES WHO GOT GAPING HOLES BLASTED THROUGH THEM.   
GG: wait...  
GG: you guys have been dead or dying this whole time we've been playing the game?!  
GG: :O that's horrible!!!   
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOG.  
CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF HELL ME AND MY...FRIENDS...HAVE BEEN THROUGH.  
CG: IT'S BETTER YOU NOT KNOW MORE ABOUT IT THAN WORRY MORE.  
CG: BUT THAT'S NOT TO SAY THAT I ONLY HAVE FULL MEMORY OF THE HELL I WENT THROUGH AND SURVIVED.  
CG: EVERYONE ELSE'S FUCKING THINK PANS CAN'T COMPLETELY REPROCESS THAT, AND NOW I'M STUCK BEING THE FUCKING GRUB WHO CRIED MUSCLEBEAST.  
CG: WEIRD TIME SHIT IS NEVER BENEFICIAL FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED TO USE IT THE MOST EFFECTIVELY.  
CG: AND THAT'S WHEN I NEED TO WARN MY FRIENDS.  
CG: NATURALLY, THEY DON'T BELIEVE ME. BUT THEY WILL MUCH LATER ON.   
GG: wait...what???   
CG: UGH.  
CG: LET ME PUT THIS INTO WHAT YOU HUMANS CALL "LAYMAN'S TERMS".  
CG: WHAT I'VE JUST EXPERIENCED IS A TIMELINE REVERSAL.  
CG: YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THIS PHENOMENON FOR WHATEVER REASON THAT WE DO NOT KNOW YET.  
CG: BUT WE DID.  
CG: AS A RESULT, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE BEEN SET BACK SEVERAL HOURS BEFORE THINGS BEGAN GOING DOWN THE LOAD GAPER.  
CG: WHY THIS HAS HAPPENED IS SOMETHING I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT, BUT THE OTHERS ARE LOOKING AT ME LIKE I'M A FUCKING CRACKPOT LOONY OR SOMETHING.  
CG: FRANKLY, IT'S BEGINNING TO PISS ME OFF.  
CG: I JUST BETTER HOPE THAT THERE'S SOMETHING THAT WILL AVERT THIS CATASTROPHE.  
CG: BUT GIVEN OUR INCREDIBLY SHITTY LIVES, I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT.   
GG: you should not give up hope yet, karkat!!!  
GG: maybe something will come along and fix it all right up...eventually   
CG: YEAH, SURE.  
CG: THE DAY I FUCKING STOP WITH MY CRABBINESS WILL BE THE DAY A MIRACLE ACTUALLY HAPPENS FOR US.  
CG: OH, WHAT THE FUCK AM I EVEN SAYING. I'M GETTING REALLY OFF TRACK HERE.  
CG: EVEN THOUGH THIS SCRATCH HAS NOT REALLY DONE TOO MUCH TO EITHER SIDE  
CG: IT'S HIGHLY RECOMMENDED YOU TAKE ACTION AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.   
GG: care to explain??   
CG: YOU'VE GOT PROPHET LIKE INSIGHT ON FUTURE EVENTS FOR FUCK'S SAKE, HARLEY.  
CG: USE THAT SHIT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE AND MAYBE YOU'LL SEE THAT THE FUTURE DOESN'T EXACTLY HOLD SUNSHINE, RAINBOWS, AND LOLLIPOPS AS YOU ALL HOPE.  
CG: NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND, I WILL BE RELIVING THE SEVERAL HOURS BEFORE GAMZEE'S SOPOR SLIME SUPPLY RUNS OUT.  
CG: I GET THE FEELING THEY WILL BE THE LONGEST, MOST CHILLING HOURS OF MY LIFE.

carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling gardenGnostic

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looks like things managed to actually become better that actually worse. The dead Dream Selves were back to the world of the living. Everyone was not gone. And the trolls, which the kids had no idea that they were being killed off, were now alive through a time reversal.

Well?  
Did Karkat have anything of the utmost importance to say?   
yes, actually!!!  
he said that the dream selves have been revived!   
yeah sure  
thats karkat probably talking shit  
as if hes been hopeful at all  
how about he has some proof for us before he starts sounding that out for us to just accept and believe  
like some fucking kids film where logic seems to be nonexistent   
Actually, Dave...she's right.  
Remember those nightmares we've been having?  
That's the result of our deceased Dream Selves.  
If they are not intact on either Prospit or Derse, whether they take on the mantle of becoming our new physical bodies or are unceremoniously killed through some way or another, those nightmares begin.  
It's a wonder that Jade has managed to keep her wits about herself each time she has fallen asleep.   
fuck  
i was trying to forget that rose   
Sorry, but you know that's true.  
No wonder we've been able to sleep for the longest time.  
That does not explain why The Scratch never took away our memories, weapons...or...anything, really.  
But I suppose that this means there's a brand new session ready to get going.  
My FAQ should be quite helpful to the new players.

Well, despite the fact that things looked to be okay, Jade screamed in horror. Her prophet insight kicked in, looking into the future.

She saw many horrible things, but mostly death. Death of the new players.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!   
what?! what's wrong, jade?   
oh my god!!!  
the new session is not good at all!!!  
in fact...it's worse than ours!!!   
How so? Do the new players screw up like we did?   
no!  
it's worse!!!  
the session is seriously glitched!!!  
the tumor is still there, but there's an abundance of glitches following too!!!   
...  
welp  
guess things are gonna go to shit after all  
i mean seriously  
what did you expect  
the scratch basically screwed these new guys over   
oh nooooooo....  
the tumor's going to explode once the players are all dead!!!  
what are we going to do?!

John figured that it was time to step up to the plate.

===> John: Be the leader. Wear your hood proudly.

You are not the leader here. Granted, you are a leader, and not too good of one at times. But they are your friends. You will help them.

But what about these new people Jade sees? Are they going to be worth it?

Now's not the time for negative thoughts. You helped your planet's consorts in their time of need when it was engulfed in flames. You have done more that can be said. You may have not always been the brightest bulb on the board, but you have come this far, right?

It's time to set things straight. You will also help these new people as well.

guys...guys!  
don't freak out!  
we can figure out how to tackle this problem!  
we just need to put some effort forth and try to resolve this problem!  
i know that we can do it...we'll just need to act fast and not worry about the impending doom on our hands.  
besides, since when did worrying ever get anyone anywhere?

The group stopped worrying. They knew that John was right.

...You're right, John.  
Negativity will not get us much further than we've gotten now.  
So, now we know that the new session is a lot worse off than we would have anticipated.  
It's not just The Tumor we have to worry about, but a whole new menagerie of glitches in Sburb.  
Jade, did you get as many Genesis Frogs as you could in before The Scratch?  
only really just a handful of them...  
So that settles it.  
The amount of Genesis Frogs are analogous to the game's status.  
Because of how few there were when The Scratch finally hit, this must mean that the game is now riddled with an insane amount of glitches and bugs.  
I can still imagine that despite it's rather obvious alpha status, it'll still get a vast amount of rewards praising it.  
The game, to my knowledge, should still work correctly for the most part.  
The only thing that worries me is if the glitches will end up getting in the way...which they most likely will, god forbid.  
So, it is settled.  
We shall abandon fatalism in favor of planning and action.  
It's exactly what we need to do.  
Given one supposedly doomed timeline never gave up hope, I'd say we should do the same.  
Let's begin while we still have time.

Almost immediately, John was contacted by a rather young user. Someone who must've been on the brand new planet.

oh!  
looks like one of the new players is here already!  
but this must be a version that has not gotten sburb yet...   
Do tell.  
Don't just leave the user hanging, John.  
Answer him.

John decided that there couldn't be any hurt in meeting new people. Of course, there is no hurt at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-perplexingAstronomina [PA] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]-

PA: hello...?  
EB: hi there!  
EB: who might you be?  
PA: my name is brandon! it's nice to meet you!  
EB: nice to meet you too!  
EB: my name's john!  
EB: john egbert!

It was the start of a few beautiful friendships. Out in the universe, a new galaxy was made. A new quadrant. A new solar system. But most importantly, a new world.

This new world, in time, would adopt Video Game World as its name. Many beings, human and not, flocked to this world's main city.

A city named Arcadia. This city was tall and proud for many centuries. Time flew by. Eventually, a young child came to the city and saved the inhabitants. It was renamed in his honor, to Brandonopolis.

As the child grew, so did his combat prowess, knowledge, circle of friends, and army.

There is currently a glitched Sburb session out there right now. This session would be unlike any other that the world has ever seen. A young teenager would venture into the deep bowels of this game, and fight for their lives and their destroyed worlds.

This is that story.

## END OF PROLOGUE

## 


	2. ACT 1: The Day Brandonopolis Stood Still, Part 1

# ACT 1: The Day Brandonopolis Stood Still

#   


## PART 1: The Start of Something Excellent

## 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is July 19, 2010. A young man stands in his bedroom. He wears fairly simple, if out of the ordinary clothes. He has an army helmet, a sky blue t-shirt with a Starman on it, and comfortable sneakers that look much like a certain blue hedgehog's. Today is this young man's birthday, and even though he was given life circa 1994, it is only today he will have a name bestowed upon him!

What will the name of this young man be?

===> Enter name.

MARTY STU

No, you fool! That's not his name at all! He may be fairly strong, but that's not an automatic tag for him!

===> Try again.

BRANDON CASH

You are Brandon Cash. As mentioned, it is your SIXTEENTH BIRTHDAY. You have already received a TRUCKLOAD'S WORTH OF GIFTS for your birthday by your GUARDIANS. You have yet to receive any gifts from your PESTERCHUM FRIENDS, but they'll probably start sending them once you start talking to them in your usual DAILY CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM. You have many friends on Pesterchum, but have never once encountered a TROLL on it. All for the better, you suppose. You UTTERLY DESPISE trolls in every sense of the word and just wish they would simply fuck off (which obviously, they never really do).

You live in an EXQUISITE MANSION erected in your honor of your continuous defense of your grand city, Brandonopolis, which you live ten minutes from. You defend your city from a large ROUGES GALLERY that is called the VILLAIN'S ALLIANCE, a group of villains who were once against each other, but soon joined forces and have combined their strength against you, which you admit to losing to them a couple of times before coming back around to kick their asses. The most prominent, and constantly attacking, member of the group is a villain who goes by the name of XANA. And before you ask, no, this is not the MALICIOUS SENTIENT PROGRAMMING from a POPULAR CARTOON, but his SYMBOL bears an UNCANNY RESEMBLANCE TO SAID SYMBOL. We're probably not going to see him for a while.

You have many VESTED INTERESTS, but the most prominent would have to be ANIME, CARTOONS, DRAWING, READING, and VIDEO GAMES. You are also a HISTORY BUFF, and love to look into it every now and again. You also love to watch ANIMATED MOVIES, which your likes can range from the ABUNDANT OVERUSED CGI MOVIES OF THE PRESENT TIME to the NOSTALGIC TRADITIONALLY ANIMATED MOVIES OF YEARS PAST, with your likes typically leaning towards the older side of things. You also like GOOD LIVE ACTION FILMS, but most of them nowadays can be either great or shitty. Admittedly, you LOVE ALL MEDIUMS to a certain extent, but the fanbase is generally broken anyways.

You LOVE TO MEET NEW PEOPLE. Most of the time, you are rather SHY and NERVOUS, but despite this, you are generally QUITE PLESEANT to just about everyone you meet. You rarely act like a TOTAL ASSHOLE unless you get EXCEEDINGLY ENRAGED. That's where you tend to lose it and go BERSERK. There are perks to being in Enraged Mode. You take LESS DAMAGE, you DISH OUT MORE DAMAGE, and you are a FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH. Even then, your ferocity can be taken a little too far, and result in a horrible transformation which renders you a feral monster that will attack anyone in sight.

Concerning justice, you LOVE TO SERVE IT. Nary a criminal escapes your watchful eye with one of your friend's inventions: the Brandon-Bots, along with your army and the police force. Your city's law is simply the best there is. However, your sense of justice can be a bit too overbearing, which extends to hating PEOPLE WHO GET CLEAN AWAY FROM THEIR CRIMES AND NEVER SEEM TO GET ANY REPARATIONS FOR IT. You dubbed these wastes of life KARMA HOUDINIS. The mention of the term quite simply makes you shudder and get pissy. You are always on the hunt for these types of criminals, whether they're regular ones, or Idiot Houdini variants. Either you, your Brandon-Bots, or your friends and other forces hunt them down and bring them to justice, which has resulted in certain points in history, whether it'd be fictional or not, changing a bit in the process. Hey, as long as you're ridding the gene pools of these bastards, it might as well happen.

Your chum handle is perplexingAstronomina, and you type with nice capitalization and syntax.

What will you do?

===> Brandon: Do a little dance.

You do a little dance, predictably accomplishing nothing. Now what, genius?

===> Brandon: Check out birthday loot.

You sift through your presents, eager to see what's in them. Given your Guardian Group's newfound rich status, they've gotten you some bitchin' presents this year.

You open the presents and pull out a few games and other neat loot. Some games, like Modern War World 31 are in it.

===> Brandon: Play Modern War World 31.

You decide to play this game for a couple of hours...before realizing it's the same thing as the other thirty or some sequels that preceded it.

===> Brandon: Dispose of game.

You toss the piece of shit out of the window. Seriously, the first three games were the best in the series, and then they simply just copy and paste with a different story and locations. Okay, so that was just only one shitty present. You'll really need to tell your parents to stop buying you all of these first person shooters soon.

Eh, let's poke around some more, shall we?

===> Brandon: Play Craftworld 2: The Platform For Games.

NOW we're talking! This game rules over all in terms of creative flow. You can create many games on it! Even movies!

You spend a couple of hours creating and playing to your heart's content. After indulging yourself in your creative folly, you save your work and decide on what to do next.

===> Brandon: Yuk like a defective redneck (apologies to them everywhere, I'm not a racist) and shit on your futon.

Maybe he will comply...I mean, he looks like an easy going-HOLYSHITGUN.

Okay...forget that was ever suggested at all. This kid's got weaponry and a rather high knowing of the fourth wall. Seriously, stop that before it goes off.

===> Brandon: Leave your room.

You leave your room and enter the mansion's foyer. There's your guardian's collections of NICE LOOKING FURNITURE and COOL THINGS BROUGHT BACK FROM CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. Your sister's FELINE PARAPHERNALIA is littered everywhere. Your maid will have a hell of a time cleaning it all up. You'll get to it later. You're feeling a bit famished for now.

===> Brandon: Enter kitchen.

The kitchen is something you're no stranger to at this point. The smell of pastry wafts through the air. Looks like they've made you a Triple Chocolate Fudge Deluxe Cake today. Plus, there's cookies and cream ice cream. Always your favorite.

===> Brandon: Eat the cake, it's no lie.

You eat some of the cake and ice cream, but you leave some for your guardians. You guess you better head back up to your room.

===> Brandon: Go back to your room, check Pesterchum.

You return to your room. It's about time you looked at your Pesterchum in the first place anyways. Looks like one of your chums is answering in. Better answer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

perplexingAstronomina [PA] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

EB: hello, brandon!  
PA: Hey, John!  
EB: happy birthday, brandon!  
EB: today's your day! the big 1-6! how does it feel?  
PA: Great, as usual.  
PA: I have received many gifts from my guardians, but none from you guys.  
EB: oh! don't worry! we're preparing to give you your gifts right now!  
EB: i think you might like mine!  
PA: Oooh! What is it? What is it?  
EB: i'm not telling...yet!  
EB: but i think you'll come to see that is was one of your most wanted games.  
EB: plus, i've got it too!  
PA: :D I think I know what it is!!!  
EB: then it's not really much of a surprise, but i'll be more than glad to have it over for you in a minute!  
PA: Coolio!  
PA: Has your day been good as well?  
EB: i guess so.  
EB: things could be much better over here.  
EB: we've been...trying to do something for a while now.  
PA: What is that?  
EB: ...i don't think i'm allowed to tell you.  
PA: You've been saying that for a while now, ever since we first met.  
EB: ...well, uh...  
EB: ...i think you better get the game we're playing.  
EB: it's called sburb.  
PA: Sburb...hey! I've heard it all over the news!  
PA: It's gotten many Game of the Year Awards! Too bad I can't seem to afford it.  
EB: i'm pretty sure you'll find some way to afford it!  
EB: it's a fairly popular game, i can attest to that.  
EB: me and my friends have it and are playing it right now.  
EB: it is an adventure to remember, i can say that much.  
PA: Oh boy! This will rock! I hope.  
EB: it will.  
EB: whoops! i gotta go, stuff's going down right now!  
EB: your gift is coming! give it a minute!  
PA: Okay, cool.  
PA: I'll see you soon.

perplexingAstronomina ceased pestering ectoBiologist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

===> Brandon: Check up on other chums.

You decide that it's not just John you should talk to. You should also be talking to your other friends. Maybe tentacleTherapist has raked in something as well?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

perplexingAstronomina [PA] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

PA: Hi, Rose!   
TT: Salutations once again, Brandon.  
TT: I take it that the celebration of the day of your birth is going spectacularly as planned?   
PA: You bet!  
PA: I've gotten many cool games, and John is sending me what I believe is Problem Sleuth!   
TT: That wouldn't surprise me.  
TT: You two love the game, but for good reason.  
TT: That reminds me. I have my own gift for you too.  
TT: Unlike John's gift, it is not really predictable. But I will have it over for you as soon as I can.   
PA: Sweet.  
PA: Anyways, how goes it, Rose?  
PA: Are things good where you're at?   
TT: Indeed, but as John said, it could be better.  
TT: We have been trying to work like crazy.  
TT: I apologize that we have not been on as often as you would like.   
PA: Oh, you're fine, Rose!  
PA: I've been patient.  
PA: I just wonder what's going on in Sburb right now.   
TT: ...Well, I think you might figure out in due time.  
TT: We can't exactly reveal it to you yet.   
PA: Oh...okay. I guess I'll go talk to Dave then.   
TT: Don't bother. I imagine that Dave is writing some rap celebrating your turning another year older.  
TT: But since you have not yet spoken with Dave or Jade yet, I suppose it's your call anyways.   
PA: Don't worry. I do enjoy his raps...for the most part.   
TT: Farewell for now, Brandon. I'm sure Dave is ready to beseech you with his ill-contrived "fresh beatz".

perplexingAstronomina ceased pestering tentacleTherapist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You then check up on turntechGodhead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

perplexingAstronomina [PA] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

PA: Hey, Dave!   
TG: yo brandon  
TG: hows your birthday going   
PA: Pretty good!  
PA: I've spoken with everyone else so far. Jade's next after you.   
TG: cool  
TG: i have a birthday present for you being sent  
TG: but first  
TG: i wrote a special birthday rap just for you   
PA: (Oh boy. Here we go...)   
TG: ahem  
TG: its your birthday and were gonna party like its 1995  
TG: cause once the meteors hit you wont be alive  
TG: forget i said that  
TG: itll make you sad  
TG: just party like its the best birthday you ever had  
TG: neither rain snow or inclement weather  
TG: will stop when you need to take a breather  
TG: cake and ice cream its alright  
TG: lets party until its midnight  
TG: it may be short but i put some effort into making it  
TG: what do you think   
PA: That was actually pretty good!  
PA: (And that's not sarcasm; it does sound rather well done, I suppose.)   
TG: glad you enjoyed it bro  
TG: its hard enough to think up lyrics when youre getting bombarded out here  
TG: playing sburb and shit   
PA: Speaking of Sburb...  
PA: Are you guys keeping something from me?  
PA: You say you've had to do something important, but that was never really elaborated on.   
TG: i know you are anxious to know  
TG: but give it some time bro  
TG: youre not running a huge ass marathon non stop  
TG: or playing that plants vs zombies thing twenty four seven without sleeping for hours on end  
TG: give it time  
TG: ive got plenty of it   
PA: Uh...okay.  
PA: I guess I'll be off to speak to Jade now.  
PA: See you soon, Dave.   
TG: see you soon too  
TG: big ups to your birthday bro  
TG: peace out

perplexingAstronomina ceased pestering turntechGodhead

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That just leaves one more person to chat with: gardenGnostic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

perplexingAstronomina [PA] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

PA: Hello, Jade!   
GG: hi brandon!!! :D  
GG: is it super exciting getting older???   
PA: I guess so!  
PA: Knowledge is power, after all.   
GG: i agree!  
GG: the more we know, the less we make mistakes!!!  
GG: but anyways...  
GG: how is your birthday going??  
GG: has it been great so far???   
PA: Is it safe to say I'm no stranger to happiness?  
PA: Of course it's been great!  
PA: I've gotten many games, most of them great.  
PA: Well, except for the thirty some sequels to the first three War World games. >:/   
GG: oh yeah! that game!  
GG: they're making another one...and it's recycling the plot from the first one   
PA: That's the money hungry executives for you.  
PA: Always hungry for the crinkly green stuff, and never satisfied.  
PA: Greedy bastards, all of them.  
PA: Good thing we're going to raid their company and file a complaint later on.   
GG: :O  
GG: really?!   
PA: Well, the raid will be a little less violent than you'd think, Jade.  
PA: But I expect that we'll be up to our necks in guards for the company.  
PA: Let's change the subject. This shouldn't concern me right now, because I should enjoy myself.   
GG: right!  
GG: we don't want you worrying about a raid on a video game company who produces sequel after sequel!!  
GG: but at least i also have something that is not a sequel!!!!! :D   
PA: And what would that be?   
GG: well...it is a robot i made for you!!! :)   
PA: Aww. Thanks, Jade!  
PA: I think it will be able to help me out, right?   
GG: yep!!!  
GG: he will be able to fight with you and watch your back when needed!!  
GG: he is also an effective butler and will provide you with nourishment if need be!  
GG: i did have to use one of my portable refrigerators and portable stoves to achieve that effect...but i still have some more in my sylladex!!   
PA: Well, you didn't have to do that...but if you do have some more spares, I guess that's okay.  
PA: But I will be looking forward to your gift, Jade!  
PA: But anyways, what's been going on in Sburb?   
GG: i knew you were going to ask that question eventually...  
GG: as john, rose, and dave said, i cannot reveal that to you just yet...  
GG: i am sorry that we are being elusive and cryptic towards you  
GG: but if you knew the truth  
GG: you might not even wish to play sburb  
GG: it's a lot more consequential than you might first think   
PA: Huh.  
PA: A game? Consequential? That's a little weird.  
PA: While I do intend to play Sburb eventually, I cannot seem to afford it at this time.   
GG: if you can get it...  
GG: i wish you the best of luck on your epic journey!!!  
GG: you'll need it   
PA: Uh-huh...  
PA: A couple more of my friends are ringing in right now, so I better answer them too before they get irritated.   
GG: oh! okay!  
GG: i won't keep you from them, so i'll let you go!!!   
PA: Okay. Bye, Jade!   
GG: bye brandon!!!!! :D

perplexingAstronomina ceased pestering gardenGnostic

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so that wasn't exactly all of your friends yet. Nonetheless, anarchistViper and posideonsHandbags are both ringing in to speak to you.

You decide to check in on anarchistViper first. She tends to get rather unruly if you don't answer her for an extended period of time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

perplexingAstronomina began pestering anarchistViper

AV: Finally!!!  
AV: Decided to ssshow up now, huh?   
PA: Yeah, sorry about that...  
PA: I was speaking to the others.   
AV: Ssstill, you need to pay more attention to your other friendssss.  
AV: Anywayssss, what'sss up?   
PA: I'm celebrating my birthday today.  
PA: The others are sending me gifts that I hope will arrive sooner or later.   
AV: That's good to hear.  
AV: Asssss for me, I'm jussst sssort of lo?nging aro?nd and ssssshit.  
AV: There'sssss not much ssshit for me to do right now.   
PA: I can probably imagine.  
PA: But anyways, I've begun taking interest in Sburb. I haven't been able to really get it yet.  
PA: It keeps selling out and I don't have much money on me in the first place.  
PA I had to spend it all on repairs for Brandonopolis.  
PA: You can thank the Devilnoid Army for that.   
AV: Oh, those asssssholesss.  
AV: No wonder you can't afford it. Yo?'re ssshort on fundsss.  
AV: But what are you gonna do?  
AV: It's hard to be a hero and good sssumeritan.   
PA: Easy for you to say.  
PA: You stopped caring about being good a long time ago.  
PA: Mostly on account of the issues with the world.  
PA: I don't blame you, but I work my ass off to prevent any bad from happening.  
PA: But you wouldn't care.   
AV: I would care a bit more if life wasn't so shitty.  
AV: But it hassss alwaysssss ssssucked ever ssssince...you know.   
PA: Don't worry, okay? I promise things will get better.  
PA: Soon...  
PA: Listen, I gotta talk to PH now.  
PA: I'll see you soon, but I promise that things will get better eventually.   
AV: Yeah, right...

perplexingAstronomina ceased pestering anarchistViper  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You feel bad for her. She hasn't really felt good since that fateful day for her years ago. But you feel that you will eventually get things all turned around.

Ah, well...time to check up on another of your friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

perplexingAstronomina [PA] began pestering poseidonsHandbags [PH]

PA: Hey, Tazita!   
PH: Hi Brandon!   
PH: Happy birthday!   
PA: Thanks, Taz.  
PA: And I hope to have many more in the future.

PH: That's good.  
PH: I think you will like my gift!  
PH: I already have a copy of it.   
PA: Ooh! Cool! Kind of like John!   
PH: Yeah, except his gift was sort of obvious from the get-go.  
PH: I'm sure you will enjoy Problem Sleuth, but I think you'll treasure my gift.   
PA: I hope so, Taz.  
PA: Whatever this gift is.   
PH: I'll have it sent the same time the other gifts arrive.  
PH: And let me guess...Natharia didn't send you any gifts again?   
PA: I think her life's a bit complicated right now to think about a gift.  
PA: Whatever the complications may be.   
PH: Don't worry. I'm sure something in her life will turn around sooner or later.  
PH: Well, I wish you the best of luck, and hope to see you soon!   
PA: Okay.  
PA: ...What does that mean?   
PH: I think you'll find out soon enough.

poseidonsHandbags ceased pestering perplexingAstronomina

 

I have but only one word to describe these new participants.  
Suckers.  
Hee hee. Haa haa. Hoo hoo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're done for now, unless another one of your friends decides to turn up.

You hear the mailbox get filled. Looks like Madoka and Para-Larry have made their rounds, with the usual fast efficiency that most reliable postmen are capable of doing.

===> Brandon: Claim your mailed loot posthaste!

You can hardly contain yourself. You want to see what your long time Pesterchum friends have sent you. You look out of the window and see that red flapper thing up on the mainbox. To the mailbox!

Aw, crap. Your Guardians have returned from the grocery store and are beating you to your mail. Looks like that's gonna have to wait.

Looks like you're gonna be homestuck a bit longer than anticipated.

===> Brandon: Admire posters.

Might as well, since you're not gonna get that mail anytime soon...not yet anyways.

===> Brandon: Look at Super Mario Galaxy Poster

The crown jewel poster of your room. It was truly one of Nintendo's finest works yet. Why they couldn't just try to make a storyline like this one in the second game perplexes you. Both were great games, but you still prefer the first one by far, despite it being a little easy.

===> Brandon: Look at Sonic Colors Poster

Nice saving throw, Sega! At least they care about their fanbase now. Nintendo and Capcom? Not so much...sadly.

===> Brandon: Look at Mega Man Legends 3 Poster

You don't wanna know what he had to do get that poster. Seriously, Capcom's gonna rue the day they shit-canned the 3DS game Mega Man fans clamored for. Speaking of which, you have plans to raid the company with a LEGION OF FANS later on. Neither rain, sleet, or snow is going to prevent your plans to get that damn rocket finished, whether Capcom wants to or not.

===> Brandon: Look at Toy Story 3 Theatrical Poster

Cherished memories forever! Toy Story 3 was one of the best movies you have ever seen, and you still love it and the other two preceding it. Pixar knows how to make 'em. And they achieved one thing most companies could only dream: creating a second sequel that was as good, if not EVEN BETTER THAN THE FIRST SEQUEL. Props, man. Props.

===> Brandon: Look at Namco Legends Poster

As crappy as their release dates are nowadays, they at least put a lot of effort into this one (even though it's not a real game, someone should try to make it happen). It's fun playing as all the characters, even the relatively unknown ones.

===> Brandon: Look at Super Mario Bros. Movie Poster

...Okay, yes, this film is kind of shitty, but nonetheless, you enjoy it as a guilty pleasure. Your tastes are good, but it doesn't hurt to dabble in films classified under the "so bad it's good" genre once in a while.

===> Brandon: Head downstairs again.

You're back downstairs again.

===> Brandon: Go into kitchen.

Might not be a good idea just yet...better go and check the mailbox to see if they left anything.

===> Brandon: Go outside.

You head out the front door, and go to the mailbox.

===> Brandon: Check mailbox.

Predictably, it's empty. Looks like they have cleaned it all out. They must currently have it all with them. You are not exactly sure what they could possibly do with a few birthday present.

===> [S] Brandon: Examine neighborhood.

The neighborhood is currently enjoying a peaceful afternoon. The wind is blowing through the suburban neighborhood. Your house stands out among the many other houses in your neighborhood. The mailbox may be empty, but your sense of adventure is not. This place is no stranger to you, and you're no stranger to it. Ever since you have arrived, your name has been made known when you beat Xana and protected the city time and time again...and when even more villains arrived, you defended against them as well. You have enjoyed the perks, and cursed the downsides. Things have changed in this world and the real world due to your influence.

It is your sixteenth birthday, and as with all fifteen preceding it, you still feel as if there is something missing from your life. Granted, you could have everything a person could ever want, but there's just something that feels unaccomplished...and that's playing the world's greatest video game of all time.

...All right. That is the LAST thing on your mind right now. Nonetheless, you feel like having another adventure, and you want it to be a good one. But where will you find one? The villains haven't been particularly active lately, and even if you did raid one of their lairs, it wouldn't be satisfying. Hell, not even Xana has been active. You wonder what they could be doing.

"Patience is a great virtue. More often than not, it is the one who takes the time and patience to plan something out who emerges victorious. And sometimes, brute force is the only option when you are cornered. Either way, fights are a two sided coin; patience and violence. Make either one happen yourself." - The Mysterious Stranger

A great mercenary, a wise man. And it is true what he says. But you have waited too long for an event to transpire. There will be a great many shenanigans today!

Aside from that, you have a feeling it's going to be a long day. You're not far from the truth.

===> Brandon: Check car.

Locked. No way in or out...unless you destroyed the window or took out the door, but you're not going to cause collateral damage to get at something you need. That'd be totally senseless.

You peer inside the driver's window instead. And...there's really not too much aside from the occasional birthday bag. You wonder...

===> Brandon: Peer through kitchen window.

There appears to be a bag on the kitchen counter. You don't know what it contains yet...but...oh, kicking christ in a diaper. You'll have to venture forth into the kitchen and fight your FAMILY for the packages. Non-fatally, though. You only resort to killing when you have to. But you never turn your gun on your own parents. Nor your friends.

Buuuuuut...you have not allocated your STRIFE ABSTRATUS yet! Guess it's back to the drawing board for now.

===> Brandon: Go back upstairs to allocate your Kind Abstratus.

It totally slipped your mind. You'd eventually have to fight all of your guardians at once, sequentially. You scan over your WEAPONS CACHE and see what you could possibly use.

Your line of sight rests on the KATANA you had gathered up on your travels. It's perfect!

You quickly allocate your kind abstrata to BLADEKIND and place your Katana into the BLADEKIND card. The only real consequence is that's the abstratus cannot be changed once allocated. You wished for an option that would let you use any type of weapon, but that obviously wouldn't be too fair.

You decide not to get your hopes up about that happening.

===> Brandon: Prepare for BOSS BATTLE.

It's not exactly a boss fight per se, but it is a fight nonetheless. You take a deep breath and head into the kitchen, where your family awaits...

===> [S] Guardians: Notice your second son. Prepare for strife.

Like some sort of video game, they're introduced like bosses.

Doting Father and CEO of Muller and Muller Masonry DENNIS CASH.  
Caring Mother and Reknown Director ELIZABETH CASH.  
Big Brother and Badass in the Sense of the Word KENNETH BURNS.  
Little Sister and Cat Afficionaido MIKHAILA CASH.  
Battle Butler CAMERON VON ESTHERSON  
Ninja Maid DAISY DANIRELLA  
Robot Buddy FRIDAY

It's time to throwdown or go down. You need those gifts. They must be under the impression that they are extra surprise gifts. Not quite the case, but...

===> [S] STRIFE!

You AGGRIEVE Dennis, but are blocked but an AUTO-MASON!  
Dennis counters with GUARDIAN RUBRIC: MINERALBRAND!  
You resist the temptation to ACEEDE to the shiny baubles of minerals!  
You AGGRIEVE Elizabeth! You are only partially successful, but she manage to redirect your attack, missing entirely!  
Elizabeth uses GUARDIAN RUBRIC: TWILIGHTBRAND!  
You ABJURE THE HELL OUT OF THAT HEINOUS NOVELLA!  
You AGRRIEVE Ken, but end up getting into a fight with his afterimage! He knows how to fight!  
Ken uses GUARDIAN RUBRIC: BADASSITUDE RADIANCE!  
You are blasted by his aura of pure badassness, but manage to get back up. You're a hardy lil' tyke.  
You AGGRIEVE Mikhaila, and strike a few blows! She seems to be a little distracted.  
Mikhaila uses GUARDIAN RUBRIC: FELINE FURY!  
You briefly ABSCOND and are chased around by the drawn felines, but soon manage to don a LYCAN AEGIS with the family's resident WIENER DOG!  
You then AGGRIEVE Cameron, who employs a PASTRY AEGIS! Man knows how to use confections to his own gain.  
Cameron uses GUARDIAN RUBRIC: WAITERBRAND!  
You ABJURE the delicious treats, but are almost caught off guard with the DOTESMITE!  
You then AGRRIEVE Daisy, who, despite her best efforts, gets clocked a couple of times by the blunt end of the sword due to her klutziness.  
Daisy uses GUARDIAN RUBRIC: DITZY SMACKDOWN!  
You are nailed by her attacks, thanks to her passive ability CONTAGIOUS DITZITIS!  
Finally, you AGGRIEVE Friday, who uses his ADVANCED BATTLE OPERATIONS to guard against the attack!  
Friday counterattacks with MINI MACROSS MISSILE MASSACRE!  
You run from the missiles, using your speed to your advantage and causing the missiles to crash into various objects. The missiles do no damage to the environment, being non-lethal. In the midst of all of this, the missiles hit the bag, sending it into the air. You do an ACROBATIC FUCKING PIROUETTE off of Friday's head, causing the rest of the missiles to hit him and knock him clean out! You catch the items and bolt to the kitchen's exit!

Relatively unharmed, you manage to escape with the goodies you have received from your Pesterchum friends.

===> Brandon: Quickly retreat upstairs and unpack your goods!

He's already on that. You dart into your room and make with the inspecting.

Several COLORED PACKAGES sit inside. One blue, one purple, one red, one green, and one sky blue.

You decide to open the blue one first. That's John gift to you. As expected, it's Problem Sleuth. You can't wait to play this game.

Next, you open the purple gift Rose addressed to you. It's a scarf...cool. Apparently, Rose's note that came enclosed in the box says it has special properties. What those properties were are currently undefined, but you suppose you'll figure out soon.

You then open Dave's red package. It's a cool armored robotic power armor suit! This could come in handy if you have some heavy duty stuff to do.

You then open Jade's gift. True to her word, she's given you a droid companion that will assist you on your journeys. He'll be fairly helpful!

Finally, you open Tazita's gift. A game case with two envelopes are inside...could it be?!

IT IS!!! You have gotten the SBURB BETA CLIENT AND SERVER COPIES!!!

Or...did. In this case, what beta?

Wait, where the fuck did that ROBBER HOBO and his RAMBUNCTIOUS CROW come from? Don't question it, you need to beat his ass and save that beta!

In case you need to throw stuff at him verbally, you switch to your Hash Map Modus. You start feeling a sort of DEJA VU here.

But, whatever. you need those discs, and if this homeless freak makes off with them, lord only know what kind of things he will do with them. Probably confuse them for bagels and try to cook them, that'd be your guess.

===> [S] Brandon: Get that beta back!

STRIFE!  
Brandon uses his blade! He swings and hits the Hobo Robber for 2 damage!  
The Hobo Robber attacks with a toaster! He hits you for 3 damage!  
He's a hardy bastard. You commence a special attack. But you don't quite have enough of a POWER RAVE going just yet. You settle for Goomba stomping him, which does 2 damage for the two times you jumped on him, doing four total!  
The Hobo goes for a tennis racket, but sine it is in poor condition, you take only 1 damage!  
Your Power Rave is almost at its peak! You then go for the combo attack, but after several hits, the hobo counters and knocks you backwards, leaving you at only one hit point left!  
Your Power Rave meter has peaked! The Hobo's health is low enough to finish him off!  
You unleash it! POWER RAVE COMBAT OPERANDI LVL. 5: IMPROBABLE WEAPON SMACKDOWN  
You beat the Hobo with several household objects, dealing a nice amount of damage, and finishing him off with a REFRIGERATOR!  
The Hobo has been defeated! You receive 30 experience points!

Now's just the matter of taking care of the crow, which has just grabbed up your Sburb copies and is about to make off with them.

In a lapse of concentration, you forget that your KATANA was placed in slot 7 of your Hash Map Modus. You impulsively yell "STOP!" at the crow, which adds up to 7 and launches your KATANA at the bird!

The sword flies at the crow, impaling it and sending everything flying out a nearby window, dead bird and all.

You didn't quite mean to do that. Yes, you wanted the bird to drop the beta and leave, but you certainly didn't mean for your sword to be expelled from your sylladex at bullet speed and kill it.

===> Brandon: Look out broken window.

Careful with handling the glass and throwing it away, you look out the now broken window.

Damn, that sword flew quite far, didn't it? It landed a couple of miles away on an apartment building, with the DEAD CROW and Sburb Beta Copies. Guess you'll have to venture out of your house and get them.

===> Brandon: Swap Sylladex back to Wallet Modus.

Dave sent you the Hash Map Modus for your tenth birthday, and John the Wallet Modus. Your tenth birthday mostly consisted of trying to figure out how all of them worked, which was almost disastrous to yourself and anyone standing in the immediate vicinity. You'd rather not talk about it.

John's Wallet Modus was probably the most useful out of all of them, since you could retrieve any card at your convenience. John said that this belonged to his father. Pretty cool stuff. John also mentioned that huge things could be placed in the cards. You're not sure about that yet, but that could be useful later on.

===> Brandon Capachalogue Pesterchum birthday gifts.

You decide to take your gifts with you. You don't know what use Problem Sleuth will be, but you figure that it could be useful too.

True to John's word, the ARMORED MOTION-CONTROLLED MECHA, despite its rather problematic mass, fits into the Wallet Modus' card like a glove.

But, you see that your other chums are answering you. You don't wanna leave them hanging when you leave.

===> Brandon: Find your father's PDA.

It's not the best thing to use, but it'll help you keep tabs on your friends. You remember last seeing it in the kitchen. Better pray that your father left it lying around.

You hear the car starting up and heading out again. You have the house to yourself for a bit. Guess they have more important business to attend to.

You head back down into the kitchen. Only the house's caretakers are around (plus Friday). They're just being passive and aren't attacking you. All's fun and good in Strife around the Cash Household. You take the PDA and install Pesterchum on it, so you can keep tabs on your friends when you are absent from your computer.

===> Brandon: Exit mansion.

You leave the mansion and start making your way down the streets. One of your friends is ringing in.

Elsewhere in this world, and several hours into the past, a purple anthropomorphic cat is asleep on his couch...

## End of Part 1

## 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! This will be mostly for introducing the ten core characters and then booting the plot forward a bit.

**Author's Note:**

> That's the end of the Prologue. Stay tuned for the second chapter and the beginning of Act 1.
> 
> Also, yes, in part of Rose's dialogue, I did make a passing reference to the awesome fic called "We're All Doomed".
> 
> But anyways, I hope to continue with this.


End file.
